Because That’s A Compliment…

I know, I know. We all get our fair share of compliments. Which is nice, usually. You know, the “aww, you’re so pretty” compliments and the “I wish MY hair did that” compliments. Fake or not, it’s always nice to be appreciated on some level.

And we all know I am one sexy bitch, basically all boobs and hair. And chub.

But I get my fair share of “what the actual fuck did you just say????” comments. Actually, probably more than my fair share. I am what is known as a freak magnet, and I have been for a looooong-assed time. This?

Yeah, this happened to me. And that was just the start.

But I’ve come up with a list of my top five favourite “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK” comments.

5. Yes. This was something a girl I went to high school with said to me one day.

I think she was trying to distract me from being a high school fatty, but seriously?

4. Possibly the most disgusting thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Don't worry. I avoided that situation completely. And still have nightmares to this day.

3. In all fairness, she was 4. But she knew where I lived.

2. ALMOST the most disturbing thing someone said to me. ALMOST.

1.   THE MOST disturbing thing said to me. Especially because the person that said it is the brother of a serial killer. Like, an actual serial killer.

He then followed it up with, “where do you live?” I moved.

Karin vs Trampoline

Recently my amazing landlords got a super awesome trampoline for their kids. Please note my amazing landlords are also amazing friends of mine (yes, I am an awesome adult living in the basement suite of my friend’s house... but it's above ground). So I got permission to use the trampoline. Of course, this is what I imagined:

I mentioned this to one of my co-workers, who informed me that once you’re an adult, this is more likely to happen:

Because THAT isn’t a terrifying thought and also a depressing fact about getting older. So, of course, there’s no way in fuck I’m just jumping on that bad boy all willy-nilly. I’ve devised a 2 week plan to conquer the adult-trampoline-pee-inducing-fear that has been put in my brain.

Days 1-4

I will lay on the trampoline, no jumping or bouncing. It’s cool, I like laying on trampolines and star gazing.

My bladder will be happy.

Days 5-7

I will STAND on the trampoline. This will most likely involve me slowly crawling to the centre of the trampoline, and then carefully getting into a standing position AND!!!!!.... Standing there.

My bladder will still be happy.

Day 8-10

I will crawl across the trampoline, stand in the centre, and slightly bounce a few times. Nothing crazy like the back flips or front flips of my youth, we’re talking POSSIBLY 6-12 inches of air.

My bladder will still be happy.

Days 11-13

I will WALK across the trampoline to the centre of it, where I will JUMP like, 5-6 times. At least. Maybe. Ok, definitely 2-3 times. Ok, probably twice.

My bladder will still (hopefully) be happy.

Day 14

I will happily bounce across the surface of that bitch and JUMP like a mother fucker! 

And then high-five my bladder. As long as I don’t pee everywhere.

LGBT and Socks

Recently, our southern neighbours made a huge advancement in the development of American kind as a people.

They legalized same sex marriage.

** please note I had a very long internal struggle on what image to use to show my support of this change, however in the end I decided to use my own Facebook profile photo as that is DEFINITELY my face, and so I have no fears on people saying I stole their picture**

I wholeheartedly believe that love has no sex, race, age or religion. When two people (or three + people who have seriously figured their shit out) love each other, there should be no limitations on the way they can express that love. If they want to commit to each other through the bonds of marriage, that is their right. Not just as Americans, or Canadians (FYI we’ve been doing this for over a decade!), but as human beings. My standpoint on this entire thing is that it should NEVER have been an issue, and should never have required “legalization”. It should have been a basic human right from the get go. And now it is.

The flood of rainbows over the last week has been something amazing to see. The support of the LGBT community has been on a massive scale, and I know many people out there never thought this day would come. Thank fucking God/Christ/Allah/Buddha/Cheese it has.

However, there of course, is the negative repercussions of this change. The bigots, the homophobic people that fear change and swear up and down that this is against God’s plan. FYI, if there WAS a plan set in place by a God of any kind, he/she/they gave us free will. And if they had a plan in place for the overall scheme of the human race, if they didn’t want same sex couples to be there, they wouldn’t have given us free will in the first place.

This recent out pour of LGBT love has somehow made the straight people, regardless of their stance on the whole same sex situation, feel alienated. Like being straight is not the “in” thing to do, and they’re being singled out for NOT being in a same sex relationship.

I just wanted all of you out there, straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered, asexual, lesbian, and others, to know that I accept your lifestyle choices. Because it is YOUR lifestyle choice. I do not feel that if I’m not part of the LGBT crowd, I am being singled out. I am just proud to be part of this monumental change.

If you want to be one of those boring straight couples, be straight.

If you want to love a man, love a man.

If you want to love a woman, love a woman.

If you want to love yourself, love yourself. 

If you want to love a sock puppet, well… sure. Do that. And send me pictures because I am curious on how it works.

My love for you has NOTHING to do with the person you choose to love. It has to do with the person YOU are. 

If I don’t like you, that also has NOTHING to do with the person you choose to love. It has to do with the person YOU are. If you're an asshat, I will dislike you regardless of your choice in how you choose to have sex (with a mirror, scissoring, sword fights, scissoring sword fights [which sound very dangerous, fyi]). 

I will dislike you for being a douchebag.

I am an accepting person of undisclosed sexuality, and I am proud of it. So rather than share my “proud to be straight” or “proud to be gay/lesbian/transgendered/bisexual” stance, I share this one:

  

Here’s hoping that the future holds some more amazing milestones within my lifetime.