How work has messed me up: Part 1 – Hotels and Restaurants

As mentioned in a past blog, I worked in pest control. Although it was exciting and all that jazz, it has completely fucked with my way of thinking about so much shit.

How?

Let me tell you through pictures.

1)                A nice hotel room.

Yup. You see a beautiful pristine bedroom, I see a bed bug invested hell hole. In fact, the big one on the bed is probably sleazy.  

Dirty dirty bed bugs. They only want to cuddle so they can suck your blood. And then poop along the seams of the bed.

I’m fairly confident most people that work in pest control have this fear. But most pest control people aren’t me. I’m fairly confident the bed bugs and the DDM are hanging out together, plotting stuff, leg eatings, soul eatings, all sorts of bad things.

“Oh Karin, this is a good thing! You are preventing the spread of bed bugs.”

Oh really? REALLY? Try being the person stuck with me in the hotel!

2)              Restaurants

If someone suggests a restaurant to go to, I must investigate… and holy sweet zombie hell, if there is ANY kind of report …

 

So no, I’m not eating there. EVER. Or any restaurant touching it. They may have contracted the mouse poop salad cooties that this restaurant may or may not have had five years ago.

I signed some kind of non disclosure agreement where I can’t say WHAT restaurants are mouse poop salad serving hell-holes, but when I say I don’t want to go somewhere, FUCKING TRUST ME! Unless I hate you, and recommend a place. Then please, go. Asshat.

Entertainment, Karin style

Sometimes I need to find ways to amuse myself. I know, I know, I seem so fantastically entertaining that the shit going on in my head would entertain anyone for a lifetime, so I need to stop whining, right? WRONG, MY FRIEND!

Yes inside my brain is a random hallway of crazy doors, but I’ve been through them all so many times it’s become repetitive…

I spent my days off with my fantastic friend, Neil. On day 2, I decided to fuck with him. So every now and then while we were driving/talking/playing video games, I would mutter the sentence “I will kill you” under my breath. Each time he’d stop what he was doing and look at me and go “What?” and I played completely oblivious to what was going on. I know he’s reading this now going “I FUCKING KNEW IT, YOU JIVE TURKEY!”

Muahahahahahaahahahahahahaha

For example, we’d be driving down the road and it went like this:

Neil: well then, what did you want to do?

Me: I don’t know, I think I really want coffee, maybe we could I’ll kill you go to the store too because I want to see about those bath bombs

Neil: YOU JUST SAID IT!

Me: What? Bath bombs?

Neil: You said you’re going to kill me!

Me: No… What? Seriously? What the fuck, Neil.

And it went on like this for the whole day. At one point, we were at my friend’s house and I did it and he stopped playing video games to go “NOW I KNOW I HEARD IT THAT TIME!” Luckily everyone played along and we successfully convinced him he’s going crazy and hearing my voice in his head threatening to kill him.

Mission: Success

Update:

Neil read this blog:

Neil says:
I should not have promised that you cant be a jive turkey anymore
fucking knew it
I did say it outloud tho
exactly what you quoted too 
 

Determination

Neil and I have been friends for years. YEARS. Yes. Years. So he should know by now that challenging me is stupid, because I am stubborn and will do everything I can to prove my point.

Neil=Slow

But I love him.

So we were out to breakfast one day and I said that I think I could amputate with a butter knife. He said no, I couldn’t. It’s not possible and I was a fool for saying it.

**please note: my father was a surgeon, therefore genetically, I am a surgeon too (Karin logic)**

Ohhh Neil I will prove you wrong! I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG!

Breakfast of Champions

This is what happens when I work at 5am. I woke up, decided I needed to pack my lunch and grab a coffee. I had a big craving for watermelon and was like “hmm, watermelon would be delicious with my lunch!” and I happened to have a watermelon!!!!!

So I pack my lunch, go to work, and then once I woke up, realize what I packed:

Yes. A full watermelon. I packed a fucking watermelon for lunch. No knife, no spoon. A watermelon, water in my coffee mug, and a 5 hour energy drink. Seriously what the actual fuck, Karin’s brain????