Monday, 1 July 2013


As I mentioned before, I have an asshole cat, Monkey. Yes yes, he’s adorable, and cuddly, and furry and all that cute crap, but he’s also so exceptionally greedy. How can a cat be greedy? Easy!

What, you want to use this mouse? No. No you can’t. Why? It’s MINE.

What? You want to eat dinner?

No, seriously. Every angle, he will take it. I’ve tried.

This gum? No you can’t chew it. I’ll pre-chew it for you because… IT’S MINE!

He eats anything people eat. Look. Peas. Gir knows better and moves on, but Monkey hoovers them up.

Even now, as I write this…

This hand? MINE!

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