I’ve been
told a shit ton couple of times that I should come with a warning label.
If I plan on any kind of relationship with someone (friends or otherwise), they
should be sufficiently warned so that they can make an educated decision before
being sucked into the super fun whirlwind that is my life.
So I
figure I should just create a blog entry with the “warnings” in it, and then I
can just link it and consider that warning enough!
So,
without further procrastination, these are the warnings Neil has deemed
important enough to make people aware of:
Ok, in
all fairness, this is really vague. Most relationships induce vomiting and aren’t
complete without several fits of rage. Otherwise it’s boring as fuck. So I call
bullshit on this warning. Let’s move on.
This has
to be perception based. I don’t have crazy logic. I have Karin logic. And if
you give me the chance, I will explain why Karin logic makes complete sense. Like,
the following statement is true:
I’m
genetically a surgeon – my father was a surgeon before I was conceived,
therefore the medical knowledge is locked in my genetics. I don’t need 10 years
of schooling and a fancy degree to amputate your arm, leg or face. Just trust
me. I AM A DOCTOR.
That is
not crazy logic. It’s just science.
I feel my
response to this “warning” already answered it and made it null and void, so we’ll
move on.
Ok this
one I just don’t even know his own reasoning, so I can’t argue it. I think I’m
low maintenance. In fact, I’ve been told my bar of expectations is so low that
pretty much any douchebag can walk over it with no issues, so I’m just going to
say this is Neil being crazy. MOVING ON!
This
is true. I do always want stories. SO FUCKING WHAT!
That’s
it?
Damn.
In all
fairness, I get this one. HOWEVER! Neil once said to me he was glad I didn’t
drink, because the shit I do sober is hard enough to explain. So take that with
a grain of salt.
I don’t
do Karaoke because, well… You know when a cat is in heat and screams bloody
murder, and there’s a blender running in the background and then some drunk
hobo screaming for everyone to shut up? That sounds 10,000x better than me. I’m
doing you a favour, potentially future friend. And the seafood is self-explanatory.
My
dancing is the physical action version of my singing. YOU’RE WELCOME.
I have
big boobs. I may or may not wear a low cut top, depending on my wardrobe choice
that day. Deal with it.
True.
This is a legit warning that I can 100% stand behind.
Another
true story. But hey, if you do something that pisses me off, the likelihood I
will forgive you is pretty high, right????
This is a
constant struggle between the two of us. I want real ponies, he only offers dead
ones. I don’t feel the ponies thing is an obsession, it’s just a constant
disagreement which is why it comes up a lot. IF YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING PONY,
THIS WOULDN’T BE A GODDAMN ISSUE!
And
finally…
Yeah that’s
true too. Well, that wraps up our list. You’ve been warned.
**end of
warning**
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