I’ve been told a
shit ton couple of times that I should come with a warning label.
If I plan on any kind of relationship with someone (friends or otherwise), they
should be sufficiently warned so that they can make an educated decision before
being sucked into the super fun whirlwind that is my life.
So I figure I should just create a blog entry with the “warnings” in it, and then I can just link it and consider that warning enough!
So, without further procrastination, these are the warnings Neil has deemed important enough to make people aware of:
Ok, in all fairness, this is really vague. Most relationships induce vomiting and aren’t complete without several fits of rage. Otherwise it’s boring as fuck. So I call bullshit on this warning. Let’s move on.
This has to be perception based. I don’t have crazy logic. I have Karin logic. And if you give me the chance, I will explain why Karin logic makes complete sense. Like, the following statement is true:
I’m genetically a surgeon – my father was a surgeon before I was conceived, therefore the medical knowledge is locked in my genetics. I don’t need 10 years of schooling and a fancy degree to amputate your arm, leg or face. Just trust me. I AM A DOCTOR.
That is not crazy logic. It’s just science.
I feel my response to this “warning” already answered it and made it null and void, so we’ll move on.
Ok this one I just don’t even know his own reasoning, so I can’t argue it. I think I’m low maintenance. In fact, I’ve been told my bar of expectations is so low that pretty much any douchebag can walk over it with no issues, so I’m just going to say this is Neil being crazy. MOVING ON!
This is true. I do always want stories. SO FUCKING WHAT!
In all fairness, I get this one. HOWEVER! Neil once said to me he was glad I didn’t drink, because the shit I do sober is hard enough to explain. So take that with a grain of salt.
I don’t do Karaoke because, well… You know when a cat is in heat and screams bloody murder, and there’s a blender running in the background and then some drunk hobo screaming for everyone to shut up? That sounds 10,000x better than me. I’m doing you a favour, potentially future friend. And the seafood is self-explanatory.
My dancing is the physical action version of my singing. YOU’RE WELCOME.
I have big boobs. I may or may not wear a low cut top, depending on my wardrobe choice that day. Deal with it.
True. This is a legit warning that I can 100% stand behind.
Another true story. But hey, if you do something that pisses me off, the likelihood I will forgive you is pretty high, right????
This is a constant struggle between the two of us. I want real ponies, he only offers dead ones. I don’t feel the ponies thing is an obsession, it’s just a constant disagreement which is why it comes up a lot. IF YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING PONY, THIS WOULDN’T BE A GODDAMN ISSUE!
Yeah that’s true too. Well, that wraps up our list. You’ve been warned.
**end of warning**