Dave

Well, you always wanted me to write a blog about you. To write a story or an adventure that you were involved in. I'm not sure if it was because you wanted me to try and draw stick figures of you, or relay the stories of our intertwined lives.

I'm sure you hoped it would be funny, full of pictures and witty words, hoping people would see you the way I saw you. The funny, compassionate, caring, and very quirky gentleman you were, despite the odd choices you made in girlfriends, living situations and overall, your kinda crappy life choices. Yeah, yeah. Like I should talk. I know.

You were the first friend I made as an adult. Sorry, Aimee. You were friend number 2.

Dave was number 1. And not just as in a friend I made once I was legally an adult in the eyes of the Canadian government. You were the first friend I made when I'd decided to fuck everything, pack up all my shit in a van and tell my parents PEACE OUT, BITCHES! I'M MOVING TO ANOTHER CITY!!!!! 

You were the first friend I made when I broke out on my own, the first friend at my first grown up, full time job.

I got stuck with you to listen to calls on my second day of work. I felt like crap that day. I had food poisoning but since it was my second day and I really needed the job, I went to work anyway and just threw up a lot. You didn't care, well I'm sure you did care because throwing up absolutely disgusted you, but you pretended it didn't matter. You had your gross looking stress ball that looked like an old man's nut sack, and you were throwing it up in the air and offered it to me to distract me from all the puking.

Thanks for that. That ball was so foul looking. Seriously. 14.5 years later and I still just... I can't even.

You followed up with me to be sure I was understanding things. You sat near me because you knew I HATED asking people questions with a burning passion of 10,000,000 suns. This way I could ask you without having to involve anyone else.

You made adulting slightly easier, you made sure I succeeded at work, and you did your best to make sure I succeeded in life. Every crappy breakup I went through (and there were a lot of them), you were there to support me. When my dad died in one of the saddest ways (slow deterioration due to alcoholism), you were there. You listened to my rants about how stupid the situation was, and agreed that my dad should have tried harder to beat his demons.

We talked about practically everything. You were the big brother I wish I had. 

You'd state you hate the heat! 

No, wait. You hate the cold! 

No. The heat! 

The cold! 

Heat! 

Cold! 

It was too rainy, it wasn't rainy enough... How you'd like to move to Alaska. 

We'd talk about ghosts and horror movies and what we'd do in the face of an apocolypse.

You were suffering and you did your best to try not to have it affect me for so long. You were there for me whenever I needed it, all the while struggling with your own demons.

You hid your addictions from so, so many, and only started to face it when it brought the end of many personal relationships. You told me to just leave and forget you, to turn my back like so many had already. I didn't. You fought me, argued with me, accused me of the most ridiculous fucking things. You kept secrets from me and then you were angry when I didn't know them. You blamed your crappy spelling, your forgetfulness, your lack-of-sense-making ways on the dark, your computer keyboard, everything else but the truth. 

Then you started talking about how you saw things the way my dad did. How you finally understood.

Near the end, you talked in riddles. You'd explain your meaning eventually but sometimes I had no idea what was going on. And that's how it ended.

You talked in one final riddle and then you were gone. Leaving me here, with a riddle that will never be explained.

You died after sending me one final facebook message, without reading my response. My original response was, "are you drunk again?" but I erased it and re-wrote a different one.

You died in one of the saddest ways, following the path of the other most important Dave in my life, my father.

I will miss you, my beautiful friend. This is most definitely NOT awesome for me.

You were and always will be one of the most generous and selfless people I know, and I was lucky to have you in my life. I will miss you until the day I die.

For any of those that read my blogs, they will not always be sad, but sometimes sadness is necessary.

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling with an addiction of ANY kind, not just alcoholism, please please PLEASE read these words. I swear to you that I am telling you the truth. Even if it doesn't seem like it, even if you feel so lost and so desperate and alone that there's nothing but darkness. Please.

You ARE worth it. You ARE loved. You CAN beat this.

There are friends, family and even strangers willing to help you through this. Your life can be yours again.

You are the most unique you possible, and there is no one else out there like you. We need you here, we want you here, we believe in you.

You are stronger than you ever thought possible, and you are NOT alone.

Rest in peace, Dave. Your fight is done.