Ever have one of those moments where you see something so amazingly horrid your brain thinks in text format? Yes? No? Well either way, I completely had one of those recently.
I was in Victoria visiting my mom and friend P. We went to the food court to get coffee, and then I SAW IT. It was so… I can’t even start. My thought process was:
Usually at this point you think “Oh God, how can I erase this from my memory?” Not I. My thoughts were:
Unfortunately, I had no goddamn batteries in my camera. NO ONE HAD ANY BATTERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was panicking. I needed a picture. My cellphone camera was not good enough to get a clear shot, and I couldn’t just walk right up and take a photo. That would be awkward. Yes I am the queen of awkward, but even doing that would make me feel like I was overstepping my bounds a bit.
Luckily P remembered Toys R Us sold batteries (something most people would know, but in the heat of the moment I couldn’t remember) and she sprinted off to get them. I waited for what seemed like forever and FUCK NOOOO! IT WAS LEAVING! IT WAS GOING TO LEAVE AND I WOULD NOT HAVE A PHOTO!
I started freaking out, my mom tried to calm me down but no, no no no no! I NEEDED THIS PHOTO TO LIVE! I NEEDED TO SHARE THIS! I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDED IT!
As I began to hyperventilate due to the non-photo causing panic, P made it back with batteries. So many batteries. YES! We crammed them into the camera. Now I could take a photo. But I NEEDED a close one. How to do this? Use P, of course. I made her stand in front of the amazing wonder in different positions so I could take a photo without being noticed. That’s right. I’m a photo ninja. FUCK YES.
What was it I needed to take a photo of? THIS:
Yes. That’s right. That’s a pompadour, a mullet, an undercut AND FREE FLOATING FUCKING SIDEBURNS! ALL ON ONE HEAD. This is what would happen 9 months later if you had a drunken night with WHAM and the late 80’s and forgot protection.
Fuck. I hope you find it as amazing as I do. FYI she totally busted me:
Although face is blurred to prevent her from being identified (although if you know this woman, it’s so clear it’s her since I’m pretty sure she’s the only person in the world with that ‘do), she was staring right at me. Her eyes burned into my very soul.
THIS IS WHY I ALWAYS CARRY A CAMERA!