Cacao, The Devil’s Snack

I’m a big fan of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. If you haven’t watched it, go. Go now. Why are you wasting time reading this? There’s only 3 seasons, and each episode is like, 20 minutes long. You can get completely caught up in one weekend.

Did you watch it yet?

I’m assuming at this point you have, so we can continue. There’s an episode in season 3 where this happens:

He gets addicted to cacao nibs, because they’re A DELICIOUS SNACK! So, since I’m a consumer whore (and how!), I got curious. I got a bag of nibs. They looked harmless enough:

So let’s do this! This is how it went:

Ok, in they go…

Oh it’s not so… 

Wait..

What is happening?

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? THEY’RE IN MY MOUTH!!!!!

OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I'M A GOOD PERSON (most of the time...)!!!

As Fry would say…

AND I HAVE AN ENTIRE BAG OF THEM! OH GOD!

What was I going to do?!?!?!?

Don't worry. I figured it out…

I convinced several co-workers to try them. How? They fell for the classic “Oh eff these are disgusting! HERE, TRY THEM!”

The consensus was pretty much the same…

So after all these years, I’ve finally reached that moment in my life where TV has lied to me, and I am devastated. But, as I believe in group suffering, I brought several others down with me.

Moral of the story:

Cacao nibs are the devil. 

Also, don’t trust me.

GO OUT AND TRY THEM NOW!!!!