Thursday, 2 July 2015

Karin vs Trampoline

Recently my amazing landlords got a super awesome trampoline for their kids. Please note my amazing landlords are also amazing friends of mine (yes, I am an awesome adult living in the basement suite of my friend’s house... but it's above ground). So I got permission to use the trampoline. Of course, this is what I imagined:

I mentioned this to one of my co-workers, who informed me that once you’re an adult, this is more likely to happen:

Because THAT isn’t a terrifying thought and also a depressing fact about getting older. So, of course, there’s no way in fuck I’m just jumping on that bad boy all willy-nilly. I’ve devised a 2 week plan to conquer the adult-trampoline-pee-inducing-fear that has been put in my brain.

Days 1-4
I will lay on the trampoline, no jumping or bouncing. It’s cool, I like laying on trampolines and star gazing.

My bladder will be happy.

Days 5-7
I will STAND on the trampoline. This will most likely involve me slowly crawling to the centre of the trampoline, and then carefully getting into a standing position AND!!!!!.... Standing there.

My bladder will still be happy.

Day 8-10
I will crawl across the trampoline, stand in the centre, and slightly bounce a few times. Nothing crazy like the back flips or front flips of my youth, we’re talking POSSIBLY 6-12 inches of air.

My bladder will still be happy.

Days 11-13
I will WALK across the trampoline to the centre of it, where I will JUMP like, 5-6 times. At least. Maybe. Ok, definitely 2-3 times. Ok, probably twice.

My bladder will still (hopefully) be happy.

Day 14
I will happily bounce across the surface of that bitch and JUMP like a mother fucker! 

And then high-five my bladder. As long as I don’t pee everywhere.

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