Tuesday, 20 September 2011

The Day Batman Came to Town

One of the most awesome things in the world is… BATMAN.. On a wonderful day in my youth, the dream of meeting Batman (or a crazy bastard dressed as him…) came to fruition.

One summer my fantastic friends (we’ll call them Friend 1 and Friend 2 because I haven’t had permission to name them…) and I were sitting around and thought “what would make this beautiful day even more great?”. The answer was simple.


Trying to get the real Batman to really come out would be next to impossible, however Friends 1 and 2 had pre-planned this event and came supplied with a Batman costume. Unfortunately, this costume was for children 7-10. This was a predicament. We were all 19 at the time. Much older (and larger) than the costume’s recommended age and size, and there was no way we could squeeze into it.

How could this be resolved? Well luckily I had been dating a guy that was a size 6 (LADIES) and really that could be considered a 7-10yr old boy size, right? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!!!!!

Forcing a small 19 yr old man (boy) into a Batman costume was surprisingly easy… after about 5 minutes, this:


So now that we had a moderately passable Batman, we needed to move forward with our summer day’s entertainment. What’s the best thing to do with a grown man dressed in a child’s batman costume that’s boot covers are sticking out the middle of his legs while the rest of his calves and feet stick out the bottom?


So we loaded him into the car, and drove to the mall. Every time we had to stop (red lights, stop signs, etc), we made him lean out the window to speak to the pedestrians.

This resulted in many people huddling on the curb trying not to make eye contact or get close enough to the car to be within “swiping” distance, lest the crazy be contagious.

(Terrified bystanders)

When we got to the mall, the blank stares, awkward silence and whispers followed from the parking lot through the mall. Batman sauntered through the mall, swooshing his cape around, and was asked to not even enter several stores. Apparently a grown (sort of…) man dressed as Batman in the middle of summer walking through fine retail stores is “suspicious”.

We wandered around the mall offering to hold doors open for old ladies, pulling chairs out for people in the food court, and offering to watch children for moms who were trying to go through their purses. By “we” I mean Batman. This too was considered socially unacceptable and we were asked by several people to leave.

The fun would have continued at another public venue, however Batman needed to pee and the only way to get the costume off was to cut it (in an effort to force him into it, we had to tie the back up in knots…).

But this will always be remembered as:

THE DAY BATMAN CAME TO TOWN (and was asked to leave… repeatedly).

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