Karin Logic on: marathons

The Zombie Dash

I have this wonderful friend, Becca. We’ve known each other for a very very long time (we generally don’t add a number to the length of time we’ve known each other as that makes us feel old) and share many memories. Basically it’s:

Becca enjoys doing great things like walking her dog, going to school and also crazy things like marathon running and exercise. Recently we had a discussion about a marathon (or large group gathering of people running…) called “The Warrior Dash”. I don’t quite know what was going on in it other than lots of strangers running towards a common goal which apparently somehow segues into much fun being had by all. Usually the fun takes the form of placement ribbons and fun pictures and high fives:

Apparently they’re contemplating bringing something to Vancouver called “The Zombie Dash”. I’m sure many of you are very excited at the thought of this coming to our fair city…

YOU FOOLS!

You know what the “zombie dash” is a great place for? ZOMBIES. Yes. If you’re being chased by people dressed like zombies, then it’s the perfect spot for real zombies to find victims. That costumed person chewing on that racer’s arm may be a real zombie chewing on a victim, and those screams for help are real!!!

It may be a fact that I have an overactive imagination - however let me explain. If I were a serial killer, I’d go to where people find crazy killing people A OK! So in this case, probably Fright Nights at Playland or something like that! You wouldn’t question a scarily dressed person carrying around a knife covered in blood, right? *I* wouldn’t. I’d assume it was all part of the show.

So if I were running a fun run being chased by “zombies”, I’d assume all the zombies were just actors, right? BUT WHAT IF THEY’RE NOT! They could be zombies disguised as actors pretending to be zombies!!!!!

This is completely logical.

So going down this path of thought, I was thinking about what would happen if someone like myself partook in the wonderous festivity that is the Zombie Dash. I’m assuming it would go something like this:

At this point, my stellar argument skills will visibly bring Becca over to my side of the logic scale….

All fun race bets would now be off! Screw the “safe” ways to kill the “pretend” zombies. It’s them or us! THEM OR US

If it moans, groans, stumbles, lumbers, lurches, crawls, oozes goo, looks dead (or even smells bad…) IT IS GOING DOWN.

And it would end with fun high fives, and photos... most likely mug shots and crime scene photos. But we would win.

And this is why I shouldn’t be allowed to participate in marathons of any kind, especially when zombies are involved.

**please note this blog was entirely not dedicated to getting me out of any kind of marathon…. I love running!!! But not…**