This is a happy little story on why I appreciate that my work does not have an HR department. I’m fairly confident we would have been fired several times over if we did.
One fantastic Food Friday*, my tummy hurt. Normal people would drink gingerale or take TUMS to resolve this, but I had a more logical, less effort approach to the situation.
Rather than taking something to make my tummy feel better (and avoid foods that made it worse), undoing the pants button provided instant relief and also more potential room for delicious food!!!!
On this particular Food Friday, we decided to order Greek food. Knowing how much I love Tzaziki sauce, my donair was ordered with extra sauce. Extra delicious, saucy, messy, flavour filled deliciousness which spelled more potential mess for Karin.
My eating practices are less than socially acceptable, and three times as messy as a toddler. Let me draw it out for you:
Please note, I grew up with 2 older brothers who would eat anything I was not fast enough to. This forced me to develop caveman like eating habits like hunching over a garbage can and facing the corner of the room so that I could eat as quickly as possible (the garbage can would catch any crumbs or debris that I was not able to inhale).
I know. I am sexy.
Once my delicious donair was scarfed down (as lady like as possible), I realized the mistake I’d made. Due to the extra sauciness of my Donair, I was left with sauce all over my face and hands. This is normally fine, I could always get up and go to the bathroom and wash my hands. But no. Not on this fatal Food Friday.
My pants were still undone.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I had 2 options:
I could either do up my pants with my saucy hands or I could stand up without doing them up. Both options would not have resulted in work appropriate outcomes.
I opted for secret option #3. My desk chair had wheels. The bathroom was only 2 doorways, 3 turns and a long hallway away. I COULD DO THIS!
I calmly put my hands up in front of my face (to prevent saucy stains…) and started to propel my seated self across the office. My co-workers looked at me first like “WTF is she doing?” and then the facial expression of a calm understanding passed over them, “Oh right, it’s Karin.”
My chair was being non-compliant so I had to go into the accounting office where my good friend Farley was, and then risk making the rest of the journey by foot, praying that my pants would not drop.
Farley: Uh… why are you wheeling in here
Me: DON’T LOOK AT ME!
Me: MY PANTS MAY FALL DOWN!!! I DON’T WANT YOU TO SEE ANYTHING!
Farley at this point calmly looked at the corner of the wall, and I attempted to stand up, keeping my pants up.
So far, so good. Next I had to maneuver down the hallway into the bathroom while squeezing my legs together to prevent my pants from falling:
To express how impressive this task was, let me draw you a map:
Luckily I was able to make it, and successfully washed my hands and face free of the sauce. As I smugly walked back to my desk, my co-worker goes, “UGGH! I ate too much, I’m going to have to pull a Karin!” and undid her pants.
That’s right. Now at work, undoing your pants is known as “pulling a Karin”. I’m so work appropriate it’s leaking over into terminology.
*Food Friday was an invention of the office staff, we all order food and eat our lunch together in order to spend quality “team building” time together (aka. We eat garbage food and gossip and swear and claim it’s work related… Oh non existant HR department, you would have your hands full with us…)